Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I've never really been one to remember my dreams. I mean, sure, I'd have a nightmare that I would wake up from, or I'd have a good dream about Paul Walker that I thoroughly enjoyed... but it wasn't very often that I would wake up remembering what I had dreamt. However lately I've been remembering my dreams every morning. Its the side effect of a medication I am on (that's a whole different story for another blog post)... and so far, I am completely loving this side effect.

These dreams are SO real and always involve people in my life. Some are hilarious... like the dream I had where Kyle kicked The Situation's ass to defend my honor. And some, like last night, are sentimental.

As many of you know, I lost one of my best friend's in a car accident back in 2007. It was the worse experience of my life. Completely life changing and something I think about daily. I once heard you never heal from losing somebody, you just get better at coping with it. That is so true. I will never heal from losing Marci. She was such a huge piece of my life and I will never forget her.

Some people say that when a loved one passes away they start to forget the sound of their voice or their laugh. But thankfully, I have yet to forget Marci's laugh. I can still hear it and I often play it over and over in my head, just so I won't forget.

And last night I dreamt about her. I actually can't remember exactly the storyline of the dream, but what I do remember was that Marci was in it. And it was so real. I was able to talk to her. In my dream she was still passed away, but had just come to hang out with me for a little bit. I was able to laugh with her. And best of all, I was able to give her a hug.

This morning has been a roller coaster of emotions from this dream. It was so real. It was as if Marci was really here. And I can't get over it. Isn't it crazy that I still remember what it feels like to hug her? I hope I never lose that feeling.

As I round the corner on 30, I am starting to become very introspective. And one of the things I continually think about is how Marci doesn't get to experience all the things I am now experiencing. She had two young children, and while I have already struggled with all the things she will miss in their lives, its weird that I'm now struggling over the little things she will miss.

There are still tears. I am still broken from it. Still in pain. Just learning to cope with it in my daily life.