Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I've never really been one to remember my dreams. I mean, sure, I'd have a nightmare that I would wake up from, or I'd have a good dream about Paul Walker that I thoroughly enjoyed... but it wasn't very often that I would wake up remembering what I had dreamt. However lately I've been remembering my dreams every morning. Its the side effect of a medication I am on (that's a whole different story for another blog post)... and so far, I am completely loving this side effect.

These dreams are SO real and always involve people in my life. Some are hilarious... like the dream I had where Kyle kicked The Situation's ass to defend my honor. And some, like last night, are sentimental.

As many of you know, I lost one of my best friend's in a car accident back in 2007. It was the worse experience of my life. Completely life changing and something I think about daily. I once heard you never heal from losing somebody, you just get better at coping with it. That is so true. I will never heal from losing Marci. She was such a huge piece of my life and I will never forget her.

Some people say that when a loved one passes away they start to forget the sound of their voice or their laugh. But thankfully, I have yet to forget Marci's laugh. I can still hear it and I often play it over and over in my head, just so I won't forget.

And last night I dreamt about her. I actually can't remember exactly the storyline of the dream, but what I do remember was that Marci was in it. And it was so real. I was able to talk to her. In my dream she was still passed away, but had just come to hang out with me for a little bit. I was able to laugh with her. And best of all, I was able to give her a hug.

This morning has been a roller coaster of emotions from this dream. It was so real. It was as if Marci was really here. And I can't get over it. Isn't it crazy that I still remember what it feels like to hug her? I hope I never lose that feeling.

As I round the corner on 30, I am starting to become very introspective. And one of the things I continually think about is how Marci doesn't get to experience all the things I am now experiencing. She had two young children, and while I have already struggled with all the things she will miss in their lives, its weird that I'm now struggling over the little things she will miss.

There are still tears. I am still broken from it. Still in pain. Just learning to cope with it in my daily life.


  1. I have been procrastinating on commenting on this post because it is something I have experienced. I too lost one of my closest friends years ago and it seems as though when I hit a milestone my heart and my head always go back to the fact that she won't be able experience it too. you are so right, you never heal from losing someone you just get better at coping. Hugs to you and I hope you can share another "dream hug" with Marci soon :)